We’ve all heard how trust is one of the most important factors in a relationship and how it’s one of the top things everyone is looking for in a partner, but why exactly is that the case? Why is trust so important in a healthy and happy relationship? Here’s some of the reasoning behind the importance of trust in a relationship:
Gives you the ability to be yourself. If you can’t fully trust someone then you won’t be able to let your guard down and be yourself around them. When we trust someone fully we can let go of the need to be “on” all the time and can relax and let go. If you’re afraid of being judged or made fun of or hurt then you’ll never be able to fully relax into the relationship.
Lets you reveal your true feelings. You’ll never be able to express how you really feel about your partner if you’re afraid that they’ll hurt you or that they’re not taking your emotions seriously. When you trust someone you can really open up and let them into your heart, otherwise we remain guarded with our feelings.
Allows us to imagine the future. You’ll never be able to see a future with someone that you can’t trust because you won’t be confident that they’ll be there for you. If you don’t trust them you can’t be sure that they’ll stick around or that you should include them in your future plans. If you want to start imagining a future with someone, you need to be able to trust them and rely on them.
Lets you fall in love. If you can’t trust your partner you’ll always be guarded, cautious and holding back. Doing this, we can never fall in love. It’s called “falling” in love because we need to let go and just let ourselves fall. If you don’t trust that your partner is there to catch you, you’ll never be able to let go and let it happen.
Latin women often play the role of the seductress, like Roselyn Sanchez in Rush Hour II and Marisa Tomei (an Italian-American actress from Brooklyn) in The Perez Family. The seductive, sexy Latinas entice men. This stereotype often crosses into dangerous territory when high school-aged Latinas are showcased with the same promiscuity, such as Naya Rivera’s Santana Lopez or Francia Raisa’s Adrian Lee. Jack Thomas, a writer for Tu Vez, wrote “When white women are prostitutes, they are usually the “hooker with a heart of gold” like in Pretty Woman. When a Latina is a whore, she’s just a slut.” The “La Virgen y La Puta” stereotype is especially idiotic when Hollywood tries to convince its viewers that Latinas happen to be both fiery and uncontrollable while also fitting to be a nanny or maid.
In the second trope we’ll examine, the “La Virgen/the Virgin,” the poor little Latina is trapped in the submissive role of a housekeeper or nanny and is usually rescued by a kind-hearted white man. For an example, look at Jennifer Lopez in Maid in Manhattan or Maria from America’s favorite musical West Side Story. Maria is the innocent yet submissive Puerto Rican girl who is swept off her feet by a charming white man. The story writes itself. Yet, with regards to the “La Puta/the Whore” part of the paradox, do a quick Google search of the words “Latin woman” and you’ll find yourself amidst hundreds of links taking you to kinky, exotic porn or dating sites to find the perfectly enticing Latin woman for you.
Currently Hollywood only has two roles for Latinas: the slut and the maid
most desis really, really, really hate black people.
some explicit examples: my parents constantly telling me that i look “black” when my skin darkens under the sun, cuz my lips are big, my parents and brother constantly spying on our black neighbors, my dad cursing black ppl and saying they ruined america (SMDH!!!!), how each and every single desi cab driver that i have in his smalltalk w me starts talking abt how black ppl ruin neighborhoods, a former desi friend telling me explicitly that, “indians are the right minorities unlike black people. we work hard, we study, we get jobs, we dont have a million kids, we look good.” blaming nasty smells on the CTA on whichever black person happens to be on the train, especially if its a woman— then look at her hair while u talk shit abt smell, youth calling each other n*gga, n*gger if they do “black things” which they always associate with poverty and “ghettoness” as in something that shows black folks to be cultured, poor, lazy, deformed, stupid etc, parents teaching kids that the worst thing their child can do is be in a relationship with a black person (friends, dating, partnership, marriage, etc)
some implicit examples: desi girls complaining abt their wide noses, non-straight hair (going as fair to say that it’s nappy), desi ppl think that its abnormal to be desi and have curly and kinky hair..wide noses..dark skin, desi guys appropriating black music, sayings, whatever like the good white model minority boys they are, how defensive desis get when i call them for their mixed-race couple dating history which consists of white ppl and never black folks (or asians) despite living n working in mixed cities/spaces, doing their best not to touch black folks when in public spaces (grocery stores, public trans, etc), moving out of neighborhood when black ppl start moving in, avoiding neighborhoods if black ppl live there, sending ur kid to a white suburban high school instead of one with a lot of latin@s and black folks cuz u assume that the white school will not only teach ur kid better, but also bc being around latin@s n black ppl shuld be avoided at all costs, south asian history + desi diasporic history either invisibilizing the black diaspora that grew with it or just talking abt how desis r smarter than black ppl therefore its only rite that we r in charge of the businesses in east african countries, always praising white men in US history and never any black folks (or indigenous ones or other communities), speaking about an asian american movement that solely seeks ur community’s collective assimilation to the white supremacist, capitalist, cis-hetero patriarchy off the backs of of black folks, latin@s, chican@s, indigenous folks, always talking about bindi/sari/yoga appropriation BUT never abt how desi youth appropriate rap music ALL THE TIME in totally racist ways — u know how white girls get celebrated how they can mimic (or try to , anyways) rappers on the radio? ive seen mainstream desis do this too…, also the whole locking ur car doors each time u see any black person walking down the street but not doing this if u see a whitey, thinking that jobs at places like mcdonalds and walmart are best reserved for black folks (and/or latin@s, chican@s, etc)
the list is endless. i’m sure you all can add on.
i’ve never met any south asian immigrant adult that didn’t talk shit about black people and teach their kid to do the same. i’m sure some exist, but i’m just saying that i’ve never met them. the point im making though is that anti-black racism is systemic and institutionalized in many countries, sometimes explicitly, sometimes implicitly…
one way to go about being “Anti-racist” (if u allow me to isolate that term from the much more complicated system it supports) is to look at ur own ethnic group and make sure that u get treated “Well.” for desis, this only looks like being treated like a white christian guy. yea, there are desis who r mad abt brown folks, muslims, hindus and sikhs being racialized as terrorists and/or pagans and thats fucked up because of all of these examples of ppl being bullied and killed. but for a *lot* of ppl, thats where their commitment to being anti-racist ends. u can only think in this type of self-centered, selfish, and racist way when u r wholeheartedly committed to white supremacy. and this only comes from a very colonized, whitewashed understanding of US and global history where u think that all POC are “oppressed in the same way.” uh….um… damn… so much failure (or is it laziness? or on purpose?) to develop a global race consciousness that is explicitly rooted in anti-blackness. and i firmly believe that a study in a ton of leftist anti-colonial, marxist, womanist perspectives is needed if we r ever to move beyond wanting to assimilate to the system…
i’m only speaking the truth here, folks. if your commitment to anti-racism is not firmly rooted to dismantle anti-black racism, you’re still on that model minority mindset. likewise, if ur commitment to anti-racism doesn’t have a consciousness about how desis are settler-colonialists in the united states, on indigenous ppl’s lands…ur still abt that model minority business. and it goes on….
Although we are individuals, our cultural background plays a big part in who we are and how we function in our relationships. We have certain values, traits and ideas about relationships that are formed through our…